In a dream i saw a hill in front of me, about half a kilometer away, it was after sunset and it was dim but not fully dark. This hill was covered in northern forest of bruce and birch. There was a war going on, the trees were falling down from being hit by the war. I wanted to go in there very badly. But there was a girl close to me, on the side of peace. I was looking at the war, drawn into it and wanting to go, but the girl was the one i liked at the moment and whom with i felt safe to be myself. And i stayed while longingly watching the war tearing apart the forest on the hill.

The problem with girls is that they’re so pretty, their eyes are so understanding and supportive, they read books and understand art, they like my photographs and are interested of my interpretations. Unlike the men who are always idiots. I can only be myself around women. With men there is a pressure to be something im not. Being stuck in a trench with a bunch of dudes is a nightmare, even though war fascinates me and calls me.

The problem with girls is i need something more than just the pretty eyes and nice little moments. I want to fly without wings over the snow covered mountain peaks. I want to see a tsunami of fire end all life on earth. I have seen seen demons birthing smaller demons from their mouths.

The problem with war is the same as with girls, after the climax, if you live, the mundane is still there.

I wanna be lazy, slow, and inefficient. I want to think about things and let life sail by. I think completing one task a day is enough.

Extracting efficiency out of every slave is what the boss-man has always done. Difference is now we do it voluntarily and even in our free time.

U can make ur boss proud and have the money i would make if i was efficient and hardworking. U can feel urselves better than me and enjoy ur status as one of the best slaves. I’ll sit here, maybe get drunk, listen to some Russian music, maybe cry a bit thinking about all of this unnecessary work and suffering which leads nowhere. after some tears i feel happy remembering all the jobs and schools i quit

Current situation is not acceptable just because the past was even worse

Turning off your fake smile is the first step towards revolution

hey imaginary person i love, i miss u so much)
i drink beer and listen to the songs we listened in 2016
u would understand exactly how i feel
and why i don’t cry
it’s good

Did i listen to the right songs

Was i rebellious enough

Did i get the right message

Was i cool enough

Authentic enough with my rebellion?

Not like one of those middle aged loser has-beens

Who was rock n’ roll but never made it to the real game

Stood at the sidelines talking about his future

God please no!

Im doin it 4realzies

Codependency

It’s like there’s an individual entity called “Hope” living with me, and every two or so weeks Hope leaves me

And without her my world collapses

It has happened already 500 times and so far every time she came back, but every time she leaves i fully believe it to be forever this time

When she comes back, we make plans together, we lose weight, gain muscle, build portfolio, make phonecalls, form long term thoughts about how to live well

Then one morning again i wake up and feel strangely tired, i see sad images in my mind and start to cry, and suddenly i’m in the darkness and all energy and will leaves me, and i see Hope is gone again

If God exists doesn’t matter, only the Hope about God’s existence

If i make it as an iconic level master photographer doesn’t matter, the Hope about it does

Livin the dream is the thing, not fulfilling the dream

Accomplishment is death and forces on a new cycle

I don’t want to lie in piss

Is this puke

I close my eyes

Tomorrow i breathe ice

Tomorrow i borrow you From the world

turn away 

I hear the water running

We’re not supposed to be like this

I ski down the hill

Faster than the dogs can run

It was dark in the park that night

The storm had made the whole city dark

I was not afraid

I was not afraid

Now the world is full of light

So bright and loud

I have to find the switch

Keep the door closed 

they are so close

Don’t let them in darling

I hate them

I hate them

I’m afraid

The right believes homosexuality is a portal to hell

The left believes homosexuality is a portal to a better world

Can it be, once again, that the answer is much more boring and mundane

That homosexuality is just sexuality

Just bunch of throbbing dicks wanting to be touched

No heaven, no hell, just nature

Sure, maybe, it’s a man’s revenge against the woman, an escape from the mother

And a woman’s revenge against the man, an escape from the patriarchy

Or it’s just sexuality

A desire for a soft touch

An escape from the order

A play field transcending the life of work and survival

How many thousands of years do we have to keep talking about someone’s dick in someone’s butt

I’m ready to move on, but i guess it’s impossible, a world war has to be fought about the gay question

(dont u think, that we humans are just incurable fucking morons who will never be anything actually sophisticated?)

Please don’t read any of this unedited sloppy pseudopoop

You see it but you doubt because you lack confidence in your judgement